Shadows of the Restless Soul

Dear Performer(s), To date, Shadows of the Restless Soul may be one of my most personal works. I’d like to give a profoundly heartfelt “thank you” to Dr. Selena Boyda for commissioning this concerto and for being a wonderful collaborator. Mental illnesses are not uncommon. They are not “made up” by those suffering from them. They are not a “grasping for attention” from an otherwise healthy person. They are real, they are chronic for many of us, and they present discrete challenges to everyday living. It’s time that modern society recognized these truths, just as ancient (and more recent) societies often did. “Melancholy,” a term that dates back to the Four Temperaments of the Greek philosophers, has been connected in modern psychiatry to what is now known as “depression.” They are one and the same. The Romantic era of Western literature is a perfect example: some authors were labeled as “melancholics.” Think of the famous works by Lord Byron, Mary Shelley, John Keats, and William Blake, to name a few examples. It is with this melancholic spirit that Shadows of the Restless Soul was created. The first movement of the concerto, “Eternal Void,” aims to capture the visceral grip of depression on one’s psyche. Many people know of the common depressive symptoms of sleeping too much, eating too little, chronic fatigue, and so on. However, irritability, angry outbursts, hyperactivity, and similar behaviors can also be symptoms of a depressive episode or type of depression. “Eternal Void” captures elements of both, occasionally blending the two in complex or competing ways. The horn solo never quite seems to repeat a motive or melody. It forms strange, off-kilter harmonies with the already dissonant guitar parts, constantly reaching for a resolution which seems always to evade it. In “Burning Twilight,” we hear the symptomatic opposite (depending on the person) to depression: anxiety. Specifically, this movement reflects on insomnia, a common symptom for many who manage anxiety disorders. The music is quick, with a pulsing rhythm which symbolizes the relentless churning of the mind’s gears while lying restless in bed. One can also hear moments of triumph throughout. Those are the rare moments when the insomniac gives up on sleeping and creates their next great artwork. Finally, “Shadows Unbound” ties these concepts together and envisions breaking their hold on oneself. Managing depression and anxiety is a complex task, often requiring frequent self-vigilance and immense effort to function in everyday society. However, it also brings one a sense of confidence and pride for bearing a burden which the majority of society doesn’t. Mental illness brings wisdom and clarity; it holds a mirror up to all the parts of oneself. The music of “Shadows Unbound” reflects this journey, ending on a contemplative note which represents one’s ultimate transcendence and self-actualization. It is my hope that this work sheds light on the emotional reality of living with depression and anxiety. The more understanding we have about these issues in our societies, the better we will be able to work together and dismantle stigmas. Sincerely, Evan Zegiel